Day 1

My first attempt at an account of my daily evil.

So, to business. I failed my first attempt at bank robbery last night. A pathetically common task, I am aware, but who's ever managed to conquer a nation without funds? No one at all. Thus, as pathetic as it was, I had to do it.

6:00 PM. Realized that I was out of propane. Thus the Underground Evil Lair (which shall now be known as the UEL) was getting a bit cool. I checked my personal vault, only to discover that I was out of money with which to pay for more fuel. I knew that extra torture chamber was a mistake.

6: 30 PM. After locating the keys to the Truck of Pure Evil, I discovered that the truck had two flat tires. Apparently my arch-nemesis, Captain Hero, discovered my lair. I should probably remove those directions from the internet.

7:00 PM. After failing to locate my spare tires, I hitchhiked to the nearest bank here in Redneckistan, which had closed for the night two hours previously. I was just preparing to launch my metal-melting gadget-thingy into the door, when Captain Hero, wearing his ridiculous outfit, stepped on my eight foot long cape, tossed me into the wall, shoved my head into through a window (that helmet actually works) and called the police. While he was explaining to them how he heroically apprehended the villain, with his hair blowing dramatically and his ultra-white teeth shining, and slammed her through a window, I managed to climb out of said window and sneaked home.

Twenty-seven more days until the death ray is finished.