Apologies.

I apologize for my recent lack of blogging. It's partially due to the complexities of my sophisticated and elegant life, and partially due to my laziness.

And so, first order of business. Any tips for removing blood from couch cushions?

Second order of business:

It was come to my attention that Valentine's Day is tomorrow. And so, continuing the tradition that was started by my disastrous attempt on Christmas, I shall attempt to ruin St. Valentine's Day for my nemesis, Captain Hero, who is, unfortunately, still perfectly active. He recently dislocated my shoulder. Again.

This year, for Valentine's Day, my ultimate goal is to destroy the disgusting and abstract concept of romance. Should that fail, I'll settle for at least punching Captain Hero in the face a few times.

January 4th- New Years

There have, as evident by my last post, been a few goings on on the last month. I figured I would cover pretty much everything happened so far.

First, I'd like to wish you all a Happy New Year. The world is supposed to end this year, apparently. I'm not holding my breath.

Second, a few personal updates. Captain Hero and me still constantly engage in nemesis battles. Nothing's changed there. What was that quote from Megamind (not that I actually WATCH animated kids movies except... okay fine, I kind of do. Sometimes. A little.), 'he would win some, I would almost win others.'

Thirdly, everyone's favorite opera loving intern is back, more nerdy than ever. Joy.

Fourthly, I stubbed my toe. Ow.

And that would be it. Still working on my next take-over-the-world level plan.

December 25

The day's events were interesting and rather difficult.

As you know, for the past few days I have devoted much of my time to finishing the death ray, to be used on my nemesis, Captain Hero.

The day went like this.

I was in the laboratory, polishing the death ray. It was time to go. I put on my best black, evil costume and grabbed the ray.

I went to the Truck of Pure Evil and I drove to the meeting place of the Board of International Heroes. Snow was falling softly as I left the truck and entered the building by way of the skylight.

I dropped from the roof and, using my gravity-easing shoes, landed in the middle of the heroes. I pointed the death ray directly at Captain Hero, taking half a moment to enjoy his helplessness, my victory, and I pulled the trigger.

Nothing happened, other than a spark shooting out of the death ray.

My eyes widened, but before I could do anything, multiple superheroes attacked.

I was beaten, practically to death, and the death ray was destroyed in front of my eyes, before something hit the back of my head and I was knocked unconscious.

I woke up in front of my lair. I don't know why they didn't turn me over to the police. I don't know who brought me back. I hobbled, bruised and stiff, into the lair and collapsed on the floor.

I noticed something in front of me.

It was the mysterious package I had received days ago. It was Christmas, I realized, and now I could open it.

Inside the box was a tiny, artificial Christmas tree, a delicate angel topping it, colored lights wrapped about it.

I pulled it out, and it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. My first Christmas present.

Underneath it was a note, scrawled on a small piece of paper.

In exchange for the tree I stopped you from cutting.


Captain Hero

I dropped the paper and began to sob.

December twenty-third- Behind

Yeah, I'm behind on my posting. I just haven't been blogging and that's because there's nothing to blog about. I'm almost finished with my death ray- two more days. I have also decided to change the titles of my posts from the number of days I've blogged to the date. It's just simpler that way, you know?

Mathew is gone. He went home for the holidays, as did the rest of my minions. Even the cleaning lady is gone. The lair is really quiet. And I like it that way.

Day 10

Today I got a package in the mail, with no return address.

Okay, that's weird. I don't get packages. I don't even get mail. This is probably because I don't have a mailbox and everyone I know hates me, but yeah.

I opened the package and, to my amazement and the general amazement of the furniture, it was a Christmas gift, obvious by the wrapping paper underneath the brown paper used for shipping.

Still amazed, I stuck it next to my Charlie Brown style Christmas tree.


 Wow.

Fourteen days till the death ray.

Day 3

Today I decorated the lair for Christmas. After the failed bank robbery yesterday I didn't really have a lot of money for decorations, but I had a few strands of Christmas lights from last year and the year before and the year before that, I had my plastic nativity scene up, and I made some paper snowflakes, etc.

Of course, naturally I wanted a Christmas tree, so I went to cut one from the woods. Isn't it amazing I managed to pick the exact same day as Captain Hero?

Of course, he managed to find the best tree in the forest and was hauling it home with one hand, while writing all his Christmas cards at the same time, the jerk.


Despite my incredible super skills at hiding and camouflage (I jumped into a snowdrift) he managed to spot me.

Placing his Christmas cards and tree carefully on the ground, he thrust out his chin and issued some ridiculously egotistical challenge.

Of course, I proceeded to fight him in typical evil overlord fashion, which is to say, I turned and ran as fast as I could. And, for once, I managed to make it back to the EUL before he caught me.

Once in the EUL, I immediately headed into the laboratory and placed the unfinished death ray in the safe. I then headed to the safe room and, again in evil overlord fashion, locked and bolted the doors.

Outside came the sound of pure destruction.

When at last it was silent, I left the room, and discovered that my nemesis had indeed been busy. All the decorations were trashed. My snowflakes were ruined. My lights were shattered.

And I still need a Christmas tree.

On the plus side, the death ray is ahead of schedule. Twenty-one more days to go.