Oh, no.
Oh no, oh no, oh no.
As you may have gathered, I live alone in my fortress (with the exception of a few random minions and henchmen). I'm fine with that.
And suddenly, I have an intern.
You wouldn't think it would be so bad. Not really. He's my cousin, and he's okay to talk with. But training? Ugh. Ugh, ugh.
This is going to be a long week. Or month. Or year. I don't really know how long he's staying. I suppose I could get him to do a few simple chores, maybe some menacing graffiti or something. He could break into a ninety-eight cents store or something. But really, he's hopeless. He lacks all evil potential.
Here's an example of what I mean. An accurate account of the yesterday:
'I walked into the room. There Mathew was (not a very over-lordly name), sitting on the couch of evil, writing a letter.
"What's that?" I asked.
"A letter."
"To who?"
"The Board of International Heroes. I want to lodge a formal complain about your treatment from Captain Hero," said Mathew, finishing writing and folding the paper into a nice, cream-colored envelope with a stamp depicting a puppy on it.
Now, obviously a letter like that, especially from MY intern, would ruin my reputation as one of the better teenage villains in the country.
"You can't send that!" I said in absolute horror.
An argument followed, which started with the letter and ended with complaints that he was invading my personal space by doing things like eating my cookies or coming within eight yards of me while I'm trying to look cool while pulling off a robbery.
In the end, we solved the personal space solution in a very mature and reasonable manner: we drew a line across the middle of the onyx floor, dividing the fortress in half.
My half has the big screen TV.
I was writing this from my laptop while watching TV with smug satisfaction, when the mail man delivered a letter, from the Board of International Heroes, who have politely declined to terminate Captain Hero's job (and possibly himself). They also commented that it was rather unusual for tough evil overlords to whine.
Stupid TV.
Stupid intern.
Stupid letter.
Nine days till death ray completion. I might have a test target in mind.
Showing posts with label TV. Show all posts
Showing posts with label TV. Show all posts
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Day 7
The day's events were extraordinarily fortunate for me.
The night spent in the basement was long, made longer by the sound of Captain Hero watching television on the floor above us. My fellow villains were talking in a friendly manner, until they touched on the subject of why we were in our 'host's ' lair in the first place, specifically without his permission.
Once he found out he was pretty annoyed.
"You sneaked into my lair do destroy my death ray?" he bellowed at us.
"Yes," the two of us housebreakers said in unison.
He groaned. "It's not a death ray. It's a coffee machine. I called it a death ray because it doesn't sound very overlordly to say I built a coffee machine."
There was a few moments of silence, then my friend, thank goodness, announced that he had managed to untie himself.
He untied me too, and we both glanced at our mutual rival.
"He is competition," pointed out my friend.
"True."
"But he's not very good competition."
"Nope."
"But we still shouldn't risk letting him out. We did break into his lair, after all."
"That's also true."
So we left him. Captain Hero was asleep in front of the blaring TV, so we moved past him easily and left the lair.
My friend headed home, to his lair in Florida. I returned to my fortress as well.
Until tomorrow, my minions.
Seventeen days till completion of the death-ray.
The night spent in the basement was long, made longer by the sound of Captain Hero watching television on the floor above us. My fellow villains were talking in a friendly manner, until they touched on the subject of why we were in our 'host's ' lair in the first place, specifically without his permission.
Once he found out he was pretty annoyed.
"You sneaked into my lair do destroy my death ray?" he bellowed at us.
"Yes," the two of us housebreakers said in unison.
He groaned. "It's not a death ray. It's a coffee machine. I called it a death ray because it doesn't sound very overlordly to say I built a coffee machine."
There was a few moments of silence, then my friend, thank goodness, announced that he had managed to untie himself.
He untied me too, and we both glanced at our mutual rival.
"He is competition," pointed out my friend.
"True."
"But he's not very good competition."
"Nope."
"But we still shouldn't risk letting him out. We did break into his lair, after all."
"That's also true."
So we left him. Captain Hero was asleep in front of the blaring TV, so we moved past him easily and left the lair.
My friend headed home, to his lair in Florida. I returned to my fortress as well.
Until tomorrow, my minions.
Seventeen days till completion of the death-ray.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Day 6
Today's events were mildly more exciting, by which of course, I mean completely chaotic.
My fellow villain and I were exploring a rival's lair without his knowledge, when my personal enemy, Captain Hero, decided to show up and, how does Hollywood put it, save the day.
Luckily for me, after he finished tying the three of us villains up, he destroyed the death ray that I intended to destroy myself, which was somewhat satisfying to watch. Unfortunately there is the small fact that I am currently tied to a chair in the basement, two other occupied chairs next to me, while Captain Hero is watching a movie on the other villain's high-definition TV. I am blogging on a laptop at my feet, typing with my toes. Brilliant. There had better be one heckuva escape plan being thought of by the two other villains in the room. Preferably one that involves me escaping too.
I brought some spare parts with me. Eighteen days until personal death ray completion.
My fellow villain and I were exploring a rival's lair without his knowledge, when my personal enemy, Captain Hero, decided to show up and, how does Hollywood put it, save the day.
Luckily for me, after he finished tying the three of us villains up, he destroyed the death ray that I intended to destroy myself, which was somewhat satisfying to watch. Unfortunately there is the small fact that I am currently tied to a chair in the basement, two other occupied chairs next to me, while Captain Hero is watching a movie on the other villain's high-definition TV. I am blogging on a laptop at my feet, typing with my toes. Brilliant. There had better be one heckuva escape plan being thought of by the two other villains in the room. Preferably one that involves me escaping too.
I brought some spare parts with me. Eighteen days until personal death ray completion.
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